I am an adult now. At least that is how people refer to me. The ripe old age of 32. I have a husband, a kid, a dog, a mortgage, a career, an IRA, a car payment and a shit ton of student loans. How in holy hell did this happen? Who trusted me to be an adult? Can I really be in charge of raising another human? And making sure that he grows up to be a kind, loving person that realizes his importance and how much I love him?
This seriously blows my mind. I swear it was just a few years ago that I was skipping classes at Western Kentucky University to drink beer with my friends on the porch at Baker Boys. We would talk and laugh and have the best time without a care in the world.
We were all broke but that didn’t matter to us. I carried around a jar full of change that we creatively called “The Change Jar”. When any of us would clean out our cars, we would put any change we found in the change jar. When it got full we would all go out and celebrate and pay in quarters. Sorry bartenders at Baker Boys.
Disclaimer: I have no idea how we were all so broke. We all had jobs, most of us as servers or bartenders. But at that time my main spending categories were food, alcohol, tanning and clothes.
Disclaimer #2: I did graduate college in four years with a 3.8 GPA. I did more than just drink my way to a Bachelors Degree.
Back to the present day: I found myself having a conversation with someone the other day about refinancing my mortgage and tax write offs. That was when it hit me. I’m a grown up. Holy shit balls.
Disclaimer #3: I think I have done a pretty sufficient job of adulting thus far. I married an amazing man. My child is still alive, as well as my dog. I do have that IRA with not a significant amount of money in it but at least I have one. I also have a good job and a car with a large dent in the side. My husband hit it pulling into the garage which you can’t really turn into insurance.
I decided to write a list of the things I always thought adults did. And that I do not do. I don’t think this means I am failing adulthood, to be honest they make me laugh more than worry. Hopefully others feel me, or maybe I just need to domesticate myself.
- I don’t cook. I can microwave the hell out of something. Give me a crockpot and we will feast on chicken and anything else I find in the freezer. Thank goodness I married a man that cooks or my family would survive on Hot Pockets and frozen pizza.
- I am ashamed to admit I just bought my first iron and ironing board this weekend. I do own a steamer. The iron has not made it out of the box yet.
- I have a brown thumb. I have managed to kill a fern and a plant someone told me was impossible to kill. I did plant some flowers this spring that did survive but I’m 98% sure it’s because Logan took care of them.
- I don’t sort my laundry and wash it all on cold. Oops.
- I google everything. If I can’t find it online I cry and call my mom.
- I pay someone to clean my house once every two weeks.
- I wash laundry, dry it, fold it, then put it away a week later when it’s time to do laundry again.
- I can’t craft for the life of me. Pinterest is to pin cute ideas. Etsy is to buy the cute ideas I’m not artistic enough to make.
- I have never sent out Christmas cards.
- Change a tire? Hahaha! That’s what roadside assistance is for!
- I have parallel parked once. It was for my driving test. I passed with the minimum score of 83. I am honestly surprised I passed.
- I take BuzzFeed quizzes. Ones like, “We can tell how old you are based on your preference in chocolate”. Let’s just say they were way wrong on that one. I am not 22. Haha.
- I listen to my radio at a surprisingly loud level. My husband calls it “high school loud”. Yes, he is a high school teacher. But you can’t sing along at a low volume! I have to drown out the sound of my own voice!
- I get a little too excited about my birthday each year even though this is the first time I’ve admitted it.
- I laugh at inappropriate things. I was in a yoga class once and the teacher misspoke and said “Put your balls in the air”. I laughed out loud. Really loud. Sorry to ruin your zen other yoga goers. But I do yoga – that’s very adultish!!
- One of my goals in life is to see Britney Spears in Vegas.
- I honestly enjoy watching Peppa Pig with my son and laugh out loud.
- I use phrases like “da bomb” and “crunk”.
You may read these things and think what on earth do you do with your life if you don’t cook, iron, drive well, garden, put away laundry or craft?
Well I take care of my toddler and read him books. We also play blocks and take pictures on SnapChat. I spend time with my husband. I work. I love my job. I volunteer. I microwave things. I do a shit ton of laundry. I write this blog. I drive around singing really really loud. I take BuzzFeed quizzes. I go to church on Sundays. I read. I hang out with my family and friends. I workout at 5 am Monday – Friday. I do take showers and wash my hair. I make a monthly budget. I do the books for my mother-in-laws dance studio. I watch bad reality television. I sleep. A good nap is the best. I pay bills and other adultish things. I make a lot of lists. And I love my life. Not all the time. I get down, sad and stressed, but in the end I always remember how lucky I am. Every once in a while I shed some tears and feel sorry for myself but I always get back up.
My favorite author Jen Sincero said, “Coincidence is God’s way of staying anonymous.” It’s my favorite quote. I don’t think anything in my life has happened by coincidence. One day I’ll share the crazy story of how I met my husband and you will understand why.
Until Next Time,
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