Disclaimer: I really don’t like to start my posts with a disclaimer but I want to get this one out of the way. I love my children so much. They are the loves of my life, along with my husband and Netflix. But they do have the innate ability to annoy me at times. Yes, I am lucky and blessed to be a mom. But that doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to want to do something for me. In this case, that is working outside of the home.

Now that we have that out of the way, I will say it loud and proud.

Right after I had my now 18-month old son, Simon, I wrote a post about all the things I had learned from being a mom to two children. I wrote it TWO WEEKS after I had Simon. He couldn’t even smile yet. Of course it was easy. All I had to do was feed him and change his diapers.

Below is the link to the said post. It was picked up by Motherly and they still use it on a regular basis.

https://www.mother.ly/life/two-weeks-with-two-kids-8-things-ive-learned-about-having-a-second-child

Now that I have two mobile children, I thought I should write a little follow up. So the world can know how I am currently handling my mom life.

I will start this post with yet another disclaimer. I know that in approximately two years, I will have to delete this or my four year old will hate me for the rest of his life. Luckily, he has no idea how to read yet.

Until then, enjoy this post because he says some pretty funny shit. No pun intended.

The phrase toilet humor made no true sense to me until I had a four-year old boy. Then he learned about poop and I realized I would hear about it every day for the rest of my life.

Maybe we talked about poop too much when he was younger.

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Let’s talk about the time span between getting home with your kids after a long day of work and actually getting them into bed. And staying in bed. I like to think of this as the longest part of my day.

The minute the car pulls into the garage, all chaos ensues. The baby will start screaming and Henry will complain about the first thing he can think of. Tonight, his eyeball hurt.

It never fails. I have never pulled into my garage with a smiling child.

I get the boys out of the car and try to enter the house with Simon in his carrier, my purse that’s massive, and Henry’s school bag.… CONTINUE READING

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I am in the part of my life that media has labeled “in the weeds” as a mom. I have a one-year old and a four-year old. Both little boys. Both stubborn and headstrong, just like their Mom and Dad.

My one-year old, Simon, is a crawling wrecking ball. He paves a path of destruction everywhere he goes. If he can see it and touch it, he will throw it across the room. He has an incredibly good arm for a toddler. If it’s too big or too heavy to throw, he will push, shove it, knock it over or scream so loud that you cannot ignore it.… CONTINUE READING

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I have, and will continue, to admit I am opening myself up for intense scrutiny by writing this blog. Some moms that read my blog posts say it reminds them of when their kids were little and they love to read my stories. I would like to thank these women for their positive feedback and sunny disposition on life in general. I hope you see a rainbow later.

Other moms, aka Lisa the Internet Troll, find me absolutely despicable. Well, you know what Lisa and some other women in the United States of America, I don’t always like what you write either.… CONTINUE READING

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I have absolutely nothing life-changing to say today. You aren’t going to read this post and think, “Holy shit – this woman is a visionary. She is changing lives. I must share this on all my social media accounts.”

Instead, you might think I’m off my freaking rocker. But that’s cool with me. You wouldn’t be the first person to say that.

Let’s start with this.

Does anyone else find the unpredictability of their four-year old very testing? Like, c’mon kid, we do almost the exact same thing every morning. The Huffington Post Parents Facebook page told me this routine would help us be a healthier, happier family!… CONTINUE READING

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I can’t tell you how many times people have asked me why I carry such a large purse. It’s usually a man. And he usually follows it up by asking what on earth I keep in that large bag. Bricks??? That’s always followed by a chuckle and me giving him some major side eye. Or an eye roll if it’s been a long day.

Well sir, how long is this elevator ride going to last? This purse has 47 chambers and we might make it through six of them in a couple minutes.

As a mom, I need to be prepared for any and everything at all times.… CONTINUE READING

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Over the course of the last few weeks, my four-year old has developed a horrible new habit. He gets out of bed multiple times a night, begins screaming, “MAMA” at the top of his lungs, and moves into the bedroom still screaming until I sit up and have a conversation with him about why he is screaming for me.

I cannot tell a lie, it completely and totally sucks. There is nothing like being jarred from sleep by a four-year old with a blood curdling scream. The first time it happened, I was terrified. I thought he had fallen out of his bed and broken his leg or that something equally as terrifying had happened.… CONTINUE READING