The name of my blog is Hashtag MomFail. I know what it’s like to think you are the worst parent in the entire world. To honestly doubt whether you are doing this whole parenting thing right.

I had one of those moments this morning – and it resulted in me dropping my four-year-old off at the babysitter’s house with no shoes because I literally carried him to the car kicking and screaming. I apologize to any neighbors that heard this incident occurring, but he refused to wear clothes and I made him get dressed. I know, worst mom ever.

Luckily, Henry and I both had about eight hours to get over this morning’s disaster and we like each other again.… CONTINUE READING

Bedtime sucks. It is the worst. I seriously dread it every single night.

Why is that you ask?

Because putting a three year old to bed is no easy task. It’s like trying to catch a bird that somehow got into your house and is completely tearing it apart while you chase it around with a broom.

So because I have become such a mediocre parenting guru, I have put together a “how-to” guide on putting your preschool aged child to bed. You can thank me later.

1. Tell your kid they have to take a bath thirty minutes before bed.
2. Listen to kid scream NOOOOOOO for about five minutes.

About three months ago, I gave up. I gave up on the morning duels with my 3-year-old over what he was going to wear. I would pick out his clothes for the day, he would throw a tantrum and the morning would turn into one large hot mess before we even tried to get in the car.

One day, I got to my office and put my head in my hands. The mornings were absolutely exhausting because of the battle with Henry over his clothes.

Then I realized I should just let him pick out his own clothes. No, he would not wear the cute polo shirts and skinny jeans that I wanted him to wear, but he would be happy and my mornings would be a million times easier.… CONTINUE READING

Why is being a mom such a tough job?

Because kids are gross. They can be tiny little monsters that push your buttons on purpose while simultaneously destroying an entire room in three minutes.

Disclaimer: I love my children. They are my life. I would take a bullet for them.

But let’s be honest. Sometimes kids are just freaking annoying.

So I have compiled a list of the top ten ways to make a mom extremely annoyed.

1. Say that you want something, then refuse it once it has been handed to you. Like asking for four dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets with ketchup and mustard on an orange plate, then throwing a temper tantrum when you get the exact meal you asked for.

Parenting is not an easy job. You all hear that from me a lot. And as mom and dads, we constantly wonder if we are “doing it right”. No matter how much we do, or how well we do something, we always doubt ourselves. Can we ever be totally content with the job we are doing as parents?

Probably not. I think it’s just human nature to doubt yourself when you are in a situation with a tiny human that has zero regard for societal norms.

Someone once told me that if I was worried that I was a good enough mom, that meant I was doing a good job.… CONTINUE READING

Well, it’s official. Henry, my three and a half year old, is finally potty trained!

Cue Jock Jams! Turn on the strobe lights! Where are those cats that DJ?

There they are. Thanks guys!

For real, this is a huge #MomWin for me and Henry. For a while, my husband and I thought that he might actually be graduating high school in a Pull Up.

So, as promised above, here is how to potty train your child in 36 extremely difficult and aggravating steps.

1. Think that potty training will be an absolute walk in the park and set extremely unrealistic expectations.

Today is the last day of January. HALLELUJAH!

I personally could not be more excited because this has seemed like an abnormally long month.

But you know what’s next – February. Ugh.

I honestly have an intense disdain for the month of February. I do not like to use the word hate because it is a very strong word and I have two small children, so I will just say that I strongly dislike February.

Disclaimer: My children are not allowed to use the word hate but if they drop a “shit” here or there do not be shocked. I call this blog Hashtag MomFail for a certain reason.… CONTINUE READING