PARENTING

Well, it’s official. Henry, my three and a half year old, is finally potty trained!

Cue Jock Jams! Turn on the strobe lights! Where are those cats that DJ?

There they are. Thanks guys!

For real, this is a huge #MomWin for me and Henry. For a while, my husband and I thought that he might actually be graduating high school in a Pull Up.

So, as promised above, here is how to potty train your child in 36 extremely difficult and aggravating steps.

  1. Think that potty training will be an absolute walk in the park and set extremely unrealistic expectations.
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Today is the last day of January. HALLELUJAH!

I personally could not be more excited because this has seemed like an abnormally long month.

But you know what’s next – February. Ugh.

I honestly have an intense disdain for the month of February. I do not like to use the word hate because it is a very strong word and I have two small children, so I will just say that I strongly dislike February.

Disclaimer: My children are not allowed to use the word hate but if they drop a “shit” here or there do not be shocked. I call this blog Hashtag MomFail for a certain reason.… CONTINUE READING

I wrote the title for this post when I was about nine months pregnant with my second baby boy – who is now six months old. I was so tired that all I got to was the title. I think I then fell into a deep sleep with my computer next to me.

I was looking through my drafts and realized how many moms would relate to this one.

How many times do we sigh after our three year old has had an epic tantrum because you gave him the blue cup instead of the red cup and say to ourselves, “OMG, I really need a break before I go crazy.”

But as parents, we don’t really get breaks.… CONTINUE READING

My husband and I are very lucky. We have a lot of family that live just a hop, skip and jump away. You know what that means.

FREE BABYSITTING!

I can only name a handful of times that we have ever had to hire a babysitter for a night out. Between my mom and Logan’s parents, we are usually set.

I have nothing against finding a sitter, I would just prefer to have a family member watch my three-year-old and four-month-old for free and possibly overnight so I can sleep in the next morning.

Plus, I have heard that grandparents that babysit their grand kids live longer.… CONTINUE READING

Being the mom to an infant and a toddler really has me pulling my hair out lately. I spend a lot of time on my blog sharing the ugly – the poop, tantrums and sleepless nights.

Sometimes I have to reel my emotions in and remind myself of how freaking lucky I am.

I have an adorable, healthy three year old. I have a sweet, beautiful three month old. I have a loving husband, a dog, a home, a good job and I am healthy. I have a car and health insurance and friends and food and faith.

I complain about how hard it is to parent.… CONTINUE READING

It’s that time again! Time for me to tell you more about the ways I have failed at parenting my children. Though by now I call them learning experiences or character builders. Let’s keep things positive people!

Here are ten of the things I have personally learned since becoming a parent. The things that people don’t tell you when you find out you’re pregnant. Some, such as myself, would think of these as hacks. The normal human would think of them as common sense.

  1. Take your toddler’s fuzzy socks off before changing a poopy diaper. If you do not, the child in question will somehow stick the fuzzy sock into a large pile of poop, making a bigger, more disgusting mess.
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Almost one year ago today, I wrote a post titled, No, I’m Not Tired: The Life of a Working Mom. I looked back at it today and realized how much my life has changed in one short year. When I wrote that post, I had one kid – now I have two. BIG DIFFERENCE.

So I thought I should write an update. And this time I am going to title the post appropriately, because yes, I am tired. Very tired. Four cups of coffee tired.

One year ago, I would get up at 5 am in the morning. And I thought that was early.… CONTINUE READING

I think every mom has that one story that really just tops them all. The gross of the gross. The one where you wonder what you did to deserve this disgusting fate.

Mine happened yesterday. The entire Johnson family had spent the week in Hilton Head for Fall Break and had an amazing time. The drive up was surprisingly easy with a 3 month old and a 3 year old, so I should have known it was the calm before the storm.

About three hours away from home on the ten plus hour trip back, we pulled over to get a bite to eat and for me to feed Simon, aka Cy Baby, our three month old.… CONTINUE READING

I admit that sometimes I write my blog posts for selfish reasons. And today is one of those days. One of those days where I needed to convince myself that everything would be okay in the end.

Nothing too out of the ordinary happened today. Just life. Normal things. But for some reason, it just felt overwhelming today. It just seemed like SO MUCH.

Somehow I ended up with pink eye two weeks after both kids had it.

Both of the kids cried the entire way home from the sitter. And not just whimpers – ear piercing crying. The “I’m beyond being calmed down” cry.… CONTINUE READING

I knew when I started blogging that not everyone would agree with what I wrote. And I was 100% okay with that because I write about a lot of things that some people might consider controversial.

But yesterday, someone made a comment saying that I had not “grown into a mother” in response to an article I wrote about going back to work after maternity leave. She didn’t disagree with the fact I went back to work, but she did disagree with the fact that I felt “more like myself” after going back to work. And that I treated my children as an extension of my job.… CONTINUE READING