Please stop judging me for leaving the office at exactly 5 pm, but my kids are waiting to be picked up from the sitter.
I know I’m missing this meeting, but my kid’s preschool graduation is more important.
I know I was late today, but I can’t drop the baby off at daycare until 7:45 am.
I know that I seem distracted, because I am distracted. I have a sick toddler and I am waiting to find out when I can get him into the pediatrician.
I don’t want to look exhausted when I show up to the office, but I have been awake since 4:30 am with an inconsolable kid.
I know that my eyes look glazed over, but I spent the last twelve hours trying to soothe a baby to sleep.
I didn’t mean for my email to seem snippy, but I have a five-year old that cried this morning because he didn’t want to go to school, and I am worried about him.
Yes, I just banged my head against my desk. I received a text message that my kid has pink eye and I have to leave to get him even though this report is almost due.
I know my eyes are very swollen right now. I spent last night crying because I am exhausted, never get to be alone and haven’t taken a hot shower in five years.
Sorry that I was short with you, but I spent the last hour arguing with a toddler over the necessity of wearing pants to the babysitter.
I know I am supposed to leave my personal life at the door when I come to the office, but when you are a mom to two small kids, that is hard to do.
So thank you to everyone that has given me grace over the last five years.
I could probably stand to give myself a little.
Being a full-time working mom with young kids is not easy.
Thank you to every boss that has let me leave for doctor’s appointments, unexpected sicknesses, preschool graduations and school lunches.
Thank you to all the people that turned their head when I was pregnant and had to run out of a meeting to go puke.
Thank you to everyone that has let me know they also had a hard time juggling their work/life/kid balance.
Thank you to the people that ignored my swollen eyes, exhausted face and the spit-up on my blouse.
Thank you to all the other moms that slay it each and every day and motivate me to keep going.
Thank you to the people that encourage me to keep going even though I can feel defeated at times.
Thank you to all the co-workers that have picked up slack for me because I had to make a quick exit to solve a kid emergency.
I know that I am not the only working mom in the world, but I am a working mom and I totally understand what you are going through.
I understand that you feel like you need to overcompensate because you get to work just on time and leave the minute the clock strikes five.
I understand when you eat your lunch at your desk because you have to leave early to get a kid from the sitter to the doctor then back to the sitter and then get yourself back to the office in time for your 2 pm meeting.
I understand that sometimes you show up to work looking like you were attacked by a flock of geese because the kids couldn’t find their shoes, you gave someone the wrong color bowl and then forgot to take Sleepy Bear to the babysitter.
I understand that you are tired. Exhausted probably.
But I also understand that you are capable and worthy of so much more than you realize sometimes.
You don’t have to choose between two worlds that you love. You can have them both. You can have a family and a career. It’s not easy, but it is possible.
Yes, the worlds might collide sometimes and make life much more complicated, but it’s worth it.
So don’t stop. Don’t give up. You’ve got this.
And P.S. – Not everyone is going to understand. And that’s okay.
Until Next Time,
Jamie
I’m a full-time mom also, which means I have TWO full-time jobs. Coming home from work is just walking into another career. Like you, I’m just thankful that there are some people out here who have operated with grace over the years. Luckily, I think most people understand how chaotic having little kids can be.
I completely agree!! Definitely two jobs. By the time I make it to the office, i’m already worn out. Then bedtime is just one constant battle. I couldn’t do it without my parents and in-laws for sure!
Thank goodness they understand!! I’m lucky to have a boss that is flexible with me.
Thank-you Jamie for this post. My daughter just took on a huge promotion at work. One that has been overdue. My granddaughter is 7 yrs old. She’s a cheerleader that cheers football and basketball and travels for cheer competitions. She also plays soccer where her Mommy is the coach. My daughter is there for her baby for it all. I am so proud of her. She just completed her bachelor’s degree in December in 2 1/2 yrs instead of three. And she has MS. God has blessed her beyond measure and she gives all the glory to Him for her accomplishments. She shared you post on Facebook. I’m so glad she had your words to read.
Thank-you,
Eugenia’s mother
Thank you so much! This means so much to me!!
Do your job and don’t leave your slack for others. I don’t expect you to cover for my leftovers, learn everything for me from the meetings I missed, or reschedule around my outside life. Why should anyone have to cover for your life choices?
EVERYONE has a life to get home to – pets to feed / walk, elderly parents to check in on, volunteers work, exercise, hobbies, a second job, or even just recover from their day’s work. Your kids don’t outweigh anyone else’s life. Period.
Missing the meeting is missing work protocol, ethics, updates, and teamwork. It puts the responsibility on your other colleagues to then make up for your lack of being informed.
Be consistently late because you chose a babysitter that doesn’t fit the already planned schedule is unacceptable. Find a new one. Again, YOUR choice to have a child is YOUR responsibility. When you are late you once again but the responsibility on your colleagues to make up for it.
If you’re distracted go home. Having a child is a pain in the ass. So is having depression or anxiety. So is having elderly parents. So is having a sick pet or significant other. So is living pay check to pay check. So is chronic illness or pain. Everyone has their own set of struggles.
You are not special because you’re a mom and have a sick or tantrumming or “graduating” kid.
If I’m cranky, exhausted, and unkempt with puffy eyes from training for a race, or in the middle of a court case, or overwhelmed with my family disputes etc do I get to expect, demand and martyr myself for special privileges too? I cannot say this enough times – YOUR choice = YOUR responsibility. It is no one else’s job to make excuses or accommodations for moms. You signed up for this. I didn’t.
I know that by writing a blog, I put myself out there for people to attack. I work my ass off. You should know a little more about me and my life before you decide to say all of these things.
Not a troll at all. Just someone with a different perspective who actually brought up many valid points; none of which you bothered to address.
There are millions of other non- mom workers out there who share my opinion. I work in a very female dominated medical profession and I cannot even count the number of times I or my fellow child- free colleagues have been met with the expectation that our time is less valuable or important because we don’t “have a family to get home to”.
It’s unfair, disrespectful, and entitled.
My lifestyle never impedes on my mom colleagues yet yours is allowed to and I’m expected to deal with it.
Your post is insensitive to others and the only people who have supported you are others moms who have also taken advantage of their coworkers.
I’m offering the feelings from the other side of that coin. No vehemence. Just a reality you don’t wish to recognize.
I am open to different perspectives. I know that not every person has the same life I do. I recognize that some people won’t agree with me. But I disagree that I take advantage of my co-workers. I work very hard. I work after my kids go to bed. Everyone is different. I write this blog from my perspective. Before I had kids at age 29, I thought moms that left the office at 5 pm were lazy and undedicated. I now see a different side of the story. I’m not entitled, I’m just being honest. And we aren’t going to see eye to eye. And that is 100% okay with me. Now, I have work to do.
You sound absolutely disrespectful and a terrible coworker. Maybe dedicate the time you put in posting this “poor me” post into your job and stop giving working moms a bad rep.
Great response
Thank you.
I feel like you are completely missing the point of thanking those who lift and support others when life gets tough. She didn’t say every parent should get a pass for being a bad employee or coworker forever or any more than anyone else. I’m sorry it sounds like you do not have equally considerate coworkers, but yes, working parents today need some forgiveness when life happens or we would have to put our careers on hold until our kids are older like so many generations before us. It is through understanding and progress that so many jobs have come to realize that letting parents be there for their kids and keep up jobs during the tumultuous years where kids are perpetually sick or not sleeping or emotional wrecks benefits all of us. Everyone. If you don’t want to work with parents, sounds like you should switch to another facility or field. I know there are plenty as inconsiderate to people trying to raise small children while working as you are. They are the reason this post has gone viral and not your shortsighted commentary.
1. She is absolutely saying they should get a pass. She makes no apologies for this behavior and makes no indication to change them. These weren’t one time oopsies thanks for picking up the ball. That anyone could tolerate and forgive. These were “I WILL be late”, “I WILL miss the meeting’, “I WILL leave early”. That is expecting a pass.
2. Thanking people for something you are forcing them to do is a bit ridiculous.
3. And those coworkers allowing this to happen are not being “considerate”. They are staying quiet at work because it is frowned upon (as this blog shows). They vent their concerns, anger, frustration in other places because moms turn on you if you dare question anything a mom is doing (again, as demonstrated in this blog).
4. If I don’t want to work with parents I should just leave? Really? That’s your solution? If I don’t want to work with over half the population who is taking advantage of the other half, I should just give up my medical career? Yeah, ya’all aren’t entitled at all.
5. FYI my post has plenty of following in the 3 separate groups I am a part of for child-free men and women (approximately 4 million in total). This ridiculous post and all your mombie attacks taking absolutely no responsibility for your own choices and making absolutely no attempt to see the other side are well known worldwide at this point. We are just now starting to find our voices and stand up for ourselves.
I want to make it clear we do not hate moms. We want you to have your maternity leave, your nursing breaks, take the time you need to raise your children, But when you EXPECT others without children to just deal with it when you CHOOSE to not plan ahead for daycare, CHOOSE to not plan ahead for meetings, CHOOSE to not adjust your schedule to complete your work on time and not leave it for others to complete it is unfair.
It is unfair that childfree men and women are EXPECTED to get the weekend or holiday shifts because their lives just aren’t as important as junior’s soccer game or watching the kid’s open stockings Christmas day. I get it. You want to be there. But just because we don’t have children, by choice or otherwise, doesn’t automatically put you in a place of privilege to get to say that your time is more valuable than others.
Woman…nobody made you have a child.
You’re not special for popping out a kid. You chose to have a child, and you chose to have a career.
Have to go to Brayden’s preschool graduation? Fine. That doesn’t mean anybody else is required to pick up your slack or even keep you on the team.
She was right, everybody has a life. Own up to your life choices, and if you can’t be reliable to be at work on time and stay except for TRUE emergencies and arrange for proper childcare, then quit your job.
There are many mom workers who don’t do the shit you do.
As a child care provider I will not stay open because a meeting is going late. Your meeting affects more than the people in your office it rarely something that can’t wait.
Wow. This was a HORRIBLE response to a perfectly written post.
Jamie – I am so sorry someone felt the need to be so unkind. I agree 100% with what you wrote, thank you for being so honest and sharing what so many other working moms go through.
Thank you! Trolls are always around, you just can’t take them too seriously!!!
Horrible in what way? You didn’t like the many valid points she brought up? Pointing out inconvenient truths that don’t match the narrative you’ve made up for yourself doesn’t make someone a troll.
In what way is the response horrible? It merely shows you the other side of the coin. From the person who can never leave on time because some mom *has* to leave on time. From the person who has to work every holiday because mothers are preferentially given holidays off. From the people who are snapped at by the mother who is too tired to be nice. You want people to understand more about you before they reply disagreeing. They are responding to what you put out there in your own words. If your blog doesn’t accurately portray who you are, whose fault is that?
The bottom line is, Kate is correct: Non-mom lives don’t impinge on yours the way yours impinges on theirs. You are demanding understanding while simultaneously giving none.
I guess I’m just confused as to why you would read a blog about MOMS and come on here and make her try to feel badly for sharing her opinion and experience as a mom, when it sounds like you are not. Anywho, again, Jamie, keep on sharing these experiences. I support you!
Why is the response so often some version of “you don’t have kids; you have no right to comment.” The answer as to why we comment is because we work in places that employ moms. We are the ones working all the holidays and staying late because our lives outside of work are considered less valuable than the lives and obligations of mothers. Because we hope that someday, the unfairness of what you’re asking of those around you will sink in, and you will realize that our time outside of work matters as much as yours.
I find it odd you keep saying you work weekends and long hours because the moms don’t. Before I had my baby I worked long hours, not because my colleagues with kids made me pick up their slack, it was a choice I made on my own. I sure as hell do NOT expect anyone to pick up my slack if I have to leave early one day to take my baby to a doctors appointment. Most of us are responsible workers who will log on when kids are asleep, or in most cases can finish the work the next day. You seem to have alot of anger on this subject. It’s not fair to take it out on Jamie’s blog.
I said nothing about working weekends or long hours. I talked about having to stay late and work holidays. My job is not one where people can work from home, so you saying people log on from home does not apply in my profession, nor in many others.
I am not angry, nor am I “taking it out on Jamie’s blog.” I am offering a perspective that is overlooked in the original blog, which comes across quite selfish.
Oh Kate…
Kids are hard work. Little kids are A LOT of work.
If you chose not to have any, great! You’ve chosen an easier path in life and there is nothing wrong with that.
A woman who chooses to start a family and continue her career has chosen the harder path. As a working mom, your job never stops just because you punched out of work. If you feel you’re getting the short stick at work and always having to cover for those “pesky working moms”… then you need to take that up with your boss.
Did you grow up with a mom? Did she ever have to take time away from work for you to go to the doctor? Or stay home with you because you were sick? If she did, I hope her coworkers treated her with more compassion than you have shown in your response.
I just want to put it out there that not everyone chooses to not have kids. Some women are dealing with stressors related to infertility treatments which aren’t apparent to everyone. Yet, they still are likely to get extra work dumped on them because they don’t have children at home. I know this from personal experience with having MRKH syndrome.
Thanks “J”, I understand what you are saying.
I specifically mentioned women who made the choice to not have children.
I meant no offense to women that want children but can’t have them.
At the end of the day, you are your own advocate. If you feel working moms are taking advantage of you, you need to speak up.
I do not support anyone who comes to a mom blog and tries to shame the author by accusing her of leaving unfinished work for others to pick up. Anyone who honestly thinks this Kate character isn’t a troll, doesn’t understand what a troll is.
Leah Roberts, Preach!!!!! Agreed 100%!
I don’t have children. I didn’t choose “an easier path in life.” You know nothing about my life, so think before you draw unfounded conclusions.
And you know nothing about anyone else life either, so you don’t need to get so defensive.
Everybody is on about picking up the slack after mothers, but she also openly admitted to taking out her anger and stress on other people and that is not right either! I might even pick up the slack after a mother if they do the same for me, but nobody, and I mean NOBODY has the right to treat me badly just because they decided to have kids. You want empathy, well where is your empathy for the person you were snippy with for no reason at all? I’m sorry but your hardships with your kids are nobody else’s problem outside of your family.
And let’s not forget the abuse and bullying nearly every childfree woman experiences sometimes, when a mother tries to force and shame them to give up better shifts or better holiday spots (because why would you need time off at Christmas if you don’t have kids, right?). That is on the mother alone and not the employer many people want to blame for a bad and harmful working culture.
Spot on Kate, couldn’t agree more 🙌🏽
Oh are we dejecting I wanted commentary? How totally unexpected from an e titled mom.
This is sickening to read. Having kids was your choice, don’t assume the sensible ones without kids will pick up the slack.
This comment was sickening to read. Being jerk is your unfortunate choice.
Some of the non-moms sound as self-centered and cold as they think the moms sound entitled. I’m also a child-free career woman like all of them — I don’t even have pet!
We all know life doesn’t require children to get hectic. However, I understand where the moms are coming from when they say they feel judged because I’ve judged! (Really not proud of it, btw.) But I know now they’re not *all* entitled, they’re stretched and it’s not to say that we without kids aren’t. It’s my choice to help pick up the slack for a mom on my team just as it was the mom’s choice to have a kid. It’s also my choice to say no to picking up a mom’s slack when I can’t or just don’t want to.
Life happens to people with and without kids. Sometimes you might need a mom to look out for you — not because you’re lazy or entitled, but because life happens. Just try showing a little compassion in this area.
Agree 100%!
I see both sides of these conversations, both are valid.
I wish I could have had children to wade in with a more informed opinion on what it is like to be a mom
Wow!
Some of the comments on here are getting a little malicious.
I think this post was great and I saw the humor in it. It’s unfortunate other women/ people feel the need to attack the writer because they disagree. And before you say “they aren’t attacking her…”
Read this…It’s literally a quote from KATE up above and tell me that doesn’t sound personal: “Do YOUR job and don’t leave YOUR slack for others. I don’t expect YOU to cover for my leftovers, learn everything for me from the meetings I missed, or reschedule around my outside life. Why should anyone have to cover for YOUR life choices?” …. Followed by more “YOU are not special” blah blah blah.
Comes across as very insensitive and if she’s got a problem with the moms she works with, she should take it up with them and be an advocate for HERSELF. You don’t want to stay late, don’t. That’s YOUR CHOICE peeps. If you really think the moms out there are dumping their workload on you, stand up for yourself. You’re not a dummy, right?
Both sides of the conversation are valid – I don’t see that posing a different opinion or way of thinking as “malicious” in any way…some of you are WAY too sensitive, jeez! Here’s an angle to ponder…while you leave the office at 5pm or varying times of the day to attend to an elderly parent, a pet or a child, your work peers and leaders who also have similar lives completely understand. I’m the one who is married without kids who you depend on to update you, cover for you, and is often at their desk until 6-7pm to ‘make it all happen’ …but when I decide to leave the office at 4:30pm because I’ve done my work efficiently for the day, why do I get the sideways eye for “leaving early” from my boss and colleagues? Those of us who don’t have those challenges at home are held to an unwritten expectation to stay longer, do more….because we don’t have kids or elderly parents, or pets who need a walk. So, for those people out there – work peers and managers, don’t look at me sideways for leaving the office at 5pm – or earlier if need be – because I do have a commitment to my spouse, my home, my personal activities, etc. Just give me the same level of understanding you give all the moms out there. Just because I chose not to have kids, doesn’t mean my life shouldn’t also be in balance.
When you have teenagers – it doesn’t get easier…..
Please stop judging me for leaving the office at exactly 5 pm, but my kids are at home by themselves because they are teenages and too old for a babysitter. When they are alone, they can get into trouble.
I know I’m missing this meeting, but my kid’s volleyball game is more important.
I know I was late today, but my teenager had a melt down because she didn’t get her report typed up last night and our printer was out of ink so we had to go to kinkos to print it and they didn’t open until 7:00 am.
I know that I seem distracted, because I am distracted. My teenager is depressed because of something someone else said about her on social media and I found out she is cutting herself.
I don’t want to look exhausted when I show up to the office, but I have been awake since 5:00 am because the bus comes at 6:07 and my teenager was up all night doing homework.
I know that my eyes look glazed over, but I spent the last twelve hours wondering where my 16 yr old was because she decided to spend the night at her friends house and I think they were drinking alcohol.
I didn’t mean for my email to seem snippy, but I have a teenager who just got in a fender bender and I’m worried about her and how I am going to afford the increase in car insurance.
Yes, I just banged my head against my desk. I received a text message that my kid has a field trip today and I forgot to turn in the permission slip so I have to leave to go sign it and the bus leaves in 20 min.
I know my eyes are very swollen right now. I spent last night crying because I am exhausted, and realized that in 5 years I’m going to be alone because the kids will be gone off on their own.
Sorry that I was short with you, but I spent the last hour arguing with a teenager about wanting to drop out of school and not going to college because school stupid and doesn’t pertain to real life anyway.
I know I am supposed to leave my personal life at the door when I come to the office, but when you are a single mom with two kids, that is hard to do.
So thank you to everyone that has given me grace.
I could probably stand to give myself a little.
Being a full-time working single mom with teenagers is not easy.
Thank you to every boss that has let me leave for doctor’s appointments, traffic court appearances, unexpected sicknesses, school field trips, volleyball games and teenage melt downs.
Thank you to everyone that has let me know they also had a hard time juggling life with teenagers.
Thank you to the people that ignored my swollen eyes and exhausted face.
Thank you to all the other moms that slay it each and every day and motivate me to keep going.
Thank you to the people that encourage me to keep going even though I can feel defeated and have no idea what I’m doing.
Thank you to all the co-workers that have picked up slack for me because I had to make a quick exit to solve a kid emergency.
I know that I am not the only working mom in the world, but I am a working mom and I totally understand what you are going through.
I understand that you feel like you need to overcompensate because you get to work just on time and leave the minute the clock strikes five.
I understand when you eat your lunch at your desk because you have to leave early to get a kid from school, take them to to the doctor then back to the school and then get yourself back to the office in time for your 2 pm meeting.
I understand that sometimes you show up to work looking like you were attacked by a flock of geese because the teenagers took up all the bathrooms and then couldn’t find their shoes or couldn’t decide what to wear, or forgot to do their homework.
I understand that you are tired and are trying to understand this teenage world you have no experience with because you didn’t have iphones or snapchat when you were 13.
But I also understand that you are capable and worthy of so much more than you realize sometimes and your kids will remember that.
You don’t have to choose between two worlds that you love. You can have them both. You can have a family and a career. It’s not easy, but it is possible.
Yes, the worlds might collide sometimes and make life much more complicated, but it’s worth it.
So don’t stop. Don’t give up. You’ve got this.
And P.S. – Not everyone is going to understand. And that’s okay.
I can’t imagine what it’s going to be like to raise teenagers in this age of social media. You’re a good mom. Sending love your way!!!
I love this thank you letter sooo much!!! Thank YOU for sharing. As womxn we ALL juggle way too much, thanks to a go go more more culture and patriarchal work environments that are asking us to prove ourselves daily. Prove you’re smart enough, committed enough, work hard enough, focused enough. Don’t rest, admit weakness, show outside interests, show health problems, family troubles, mental health stuff. Just be a committed cog and do your best every moment of a 50+ hr week.
Claiming your power whether a mom or not to say my #1 priority is whatever I make it and don’t judge me for it-well that’s a great point for anyone. Personally, for me only as a mom who was once childless, I agree your capacity to empathize for the weight of the world being on you can feel different. In my 20s I was judging af and straight out annoyed by everyone else who moved at slower pace and had my misplaced perception they were incompetent or inferior. Since then I’ve been truly humbled at the strength it takes to physically work and parent. Yes it’s a choice. Thanks to us the world goes on. I’ve had pets, taken care of seriously sick relatives, experienced loss, job drama, you name it. Having kids and trying to work 40-60 hrs a week, when your other job lives in your brain all day too and is waiting for you from dawn till midnight—it’s just crazy how it brings you to your knees.
And this was simply perfect: “I understand when you eat your lunch at your desk because you have to leave early to get a kid from the sitter to the doctor then back to the sitter and then get yourself back to the office in time for your 2 p.m. meeting.” Except I’ll say I wolf down have my meals cold while driving to said appts. Thanks for the share! Hang in there ladies! We’re all doing the best we can and we’re not dumping anything on anyone. We’re leaving on each other for support. We need to have each other’s back!
I have mad respect for all working parents, including you Jamie. I’m also aware of the myriad other responsibilities that people are balancing with their work lives. Kudos to all who are juggling many responsibilities. I’ve been a leader in business for a good many years and as both leader and co-worker, I feel it’s part of my job to help make all kinds of situations workable for people; to help employees and co-workers be successful in their jobs and feel a sense of accomplishment for all they are doing. I’m gravely concerned about the exhaustion that is common across the American workforce and what it’s doing to people’s health and well-being.
Jamie, I’m confused about something. While clicking various links in the post of your story, I linked to a Facebook page that I think is yours. I’m curious about why you spend time posting on Facebook and responding to comments when you’re already overworked and tired. This is an aspect of today’s culture that I don’t understand. I’m not judging, just wondering why people are doing this. Does it matter what strangers think of your choices and circumstances?
Best to you as you navigate all that you must do to get from day to day. I wish all good things for you and your family (and a good nap now and then!). 🙂
I have not read any of the other comments, but I want to applaud you. I am “that mom”. I work 40 hours with a 2-hour a day commute. Despite that, my family comes before work and I make no apologies for that. I give 100% when I’m at work, but when it’s time to clock out, I take off my working hat and put on my mom hat and go home. If my employer needs someone who is willing to set their family aside, then I’m not your girl.
I can always find another job. My children will only be this age once, and I’m not going to miss it. I missed too many things in learning this lesson, and I won’t make that mistake again.
So I encourage you to keep going to those milestones and doing what is best for your family. If your employer doesn’t value how that makes you a better employee, then I’m sure there is another employer who will. 👍🏻
ummm, WHERE IS THEIR DAD??? you go through all of things you do, and “excuse me for” . The lack of his mention in your article has me shaking my head. YOU pick up your sick child, YOU do the pick-ups and drop off at school/daycare, YOU ‘RE up with your kids late/early/ all night. Even if you’re a single parent, he should do something…..
Their dad is at work. He is a special education teacher. He also does drop off at time. He does pick up at times. But he can’t leave in the middle of the day to do things for the kids because he is teaching.
I think it’s great that you care so much for your child.
I won’t judge you for leaving exactly at 5 pm and missing meetings.
But please don’t judge me when I give the promotions and/or bigger raises to your colleagues who work longer hours, who never miss meetings, who aren’t short with coworkers and who are always available at the drop of a hat during an emergency.
Your post is admirable, and at the same time it is yet more evidence as to why men advance further and get paid more.
It would be great if more fathers had the freedom you have and made the choices that you do. Some day maybe that will be the case.
But until then, the real world will accept great mothers like you, and great mothers like you will have to accept the real world.
Wow. This is something I haven’t heard before. Interesting take.
I get it, you have familial responsibilities – and you choose, rightfully so, to prioritize them.
But I’ve been in the opposite end of your situation. I’ve picked up the mom-coworker’s slack. Took down notes from meetings. Covered for missed shifts and holidays. Months down the line, we get the same raise. Then my boss announces that she’s pregnant. Screw that, I put in my 2 weeks notice. It’s unfair that I get extra work and not be rewarded for it. Mom and mom-to-be both JUDGED me – calling me selfish for leaving at an important time. WOW.
Now I’ve moved to another company, where I was in the same situation, with all the extra work I picked up – I got recognized and rewarded. I’m promoted ahead of some moms who’ve been here longer. Moms that always leave early, miss meetings, leave work for others to pick up.
And what happens then? I get mom-brigaded, JUDGED. They bitch about how I could possible deserve the promotion. They refuse to acknowledge my new position and directions, even when the changes I propose are for the benefit of everyone. One complained. She wanted a promotion too, because she’s been in the company 2 years longer than me. My manager shut that down very quickly, thankfully.
And I guess that’s my point. Sure, we can choose not to judge you, but please realize that it goes both ways. If your work product is inferior – even if it’s because of mommy duties, please don’t expect and demand parity with your performing coworkers.
You do realise not every women has children, right? Yet ‘colleagues’ changes into just ‘men who advance’ pretty quickly. If a childfree woman puts in the work, the attitude etc, she deserves to advance just as much as men.
In this day and time how many colleagues are dealing with the same thing in the form of a parent. You likely don’t know. You aren’t “special”. Motherhood has been going on for years…….you’re no different. This article sums up the problem I have with liberal women demanding better maternity leave and complaining that working mothers/women don’t have enough rights in the workforce. Stop whining….You’re more blessed than you know.
Jamie, I’ve been reading these comments and adding a few myself, and just want to say I’m sorry your blog post has turned into aggressive attacks. You are not “whining” as the lovely Lesley Arnold puts it. The attack on your husband completely crossed the line. You were speaking from your true experiences and brave enough to put it out there for the world to see. Keep on writing, we fellow mamas appreciate it and your honesty. Ignore the people who (not to be harsh) basically just suck 😉
Hi Jamie, regards from Indonesia.
We have the same situation. and woman support woman.
Thanks for the inspiring words yet beautiful 🙂
Thank you so much!