Every article I see lately is about how it is the job of the mom to make Christmas magical for her kids.

You know what I have to say about that nonsense? RUDE.

Disclaimer: I am not trying to sound like a Scrooge here, but why does Christmas have to include so much pressure? Can’t we just enjoy it? I don’t think when Baby Jesus was born that Mary surprised him with a brand new donkey and an Elf on the Shelf. I think she snuggled her sweet baby and hung out with Joseph and the Three Wise Men.

Is getting gifts from a fat man in red suit that slides down your chimney in the middle of night not magical enough?… CONTINUE READING

Let’s talk about the time span between getting home with your kids after a long day of work and actually getting them into bed. And staying in bed. I like to think of this as the longest part of my day.

The minute the car pulls into the garage, all chaos ensues. The baby will start screaming and Henry will complain about the first thing he can think of. Tonight, his eyeball hurt.

It never fails. I have never pulled into my garage with a smiling child.

I get the boys out of the car and try to enter the house with Simon in his carrier, my purse that’s massive, and Henry’s school bag.… CONTINUE READING

I am in the part of my life that media has labeled “in the weeds” as a mom. I have a one-year old and a four-year old. Both little boys. Both stubborn and headstrong, just like their Mom and Dad.

My one-year old, Simon, is a crawling wrecking ball. He paves a path of destruction everywhere he goes. If he can see it and touch it, he will throw it across the room. He has an incredibly good arm for a toddler. If it’s too big or too heavy to throw, he will push, shove it, knock it over or scream so loud that you cannot ignore it.… CONTINUE READING

I have, and will continue, to admit I am opening myself up for intense scrutiny by writing this blog. Some moms that read my blog posts say it reminds them of when their kids were little and they love to read my stories. I would like to thank these women for their positive feedback and sunny disposition on life in general. I hope you see a rainbow later.

Other moms, aka Lisa the Internet Troll, find me absolutely despicable. Well, you know what Lisa and some other women in the United States of America, I don’t always like what you write either.… CONTINUE READING

Can you still call it a postpartum body if your baby is one?

Actually, he’s fifteen months, but I know people don’t like it when you say your child’s age in months.

It has been fifteen months since I had my eight pound, two ounce baby via c-section, and I’m still not happy with how I look.

Now, don’t bombard me with your diet plans people. Thanks. In. Advance.

So here’s the deal. I’ve always been what my mom calls “curvy”. After I had Baby Boy #1, she pretty much told me that I would never get my old body back.… CONTINUE READING

I am a full-time working mom with two little boys and a full-time working husband. I try to juggle all the balls without dropping any, but no one ever taught me how to juggle and I have no hand-eye coordination.

That leads me to the fact that I am late for work a lot. Not super late, maybe just a few minutes. But I am a perfectionist – at least when it comes to my work – and that drives me insane.

And who on came up with working 9-5? Where do they work? Do they eat lunch? Because I have to be at work at 8 am.… CONTINUE READING

In a post from about a year ago, I wrote that not all of us can be like Joanna Gaines and have a farmhouse-style kitchen table hand-crafted by a man named Clint.

Then, what do you know, Christmas rolled around and I ended up with a handmade, farmhouse-style kitchen table. It was crafted by a man named Thomas, not Clint, and it is beautiful.

And yes, that is the only item in my house that even slightly resembles anything Joanna Gaines would partially consider placing in her immaculate home with no TVs.

So why did I end up with this beautiful table?… CONTINUE READING

It was about a year ago that I stumbled across an article bashing “Bad Mom” blogs. It referred to the moms that write about drinking, cussing and making bad parenting decisions. It pretty much called them the scum of the earth. That they ignored their children and were only worried about likes on Instagram and page views.

I was a bit offended.

I write about drinking. I also cuss. And I have made my fair share of bad parenting decisions.

But how dare he call me a bad mom! I don’t even use Instagram!

So I moved on with my life.… CONTINUE READING

I have absolutely nothing life-changing to say today. You aren’t going to read this post and think, “Holy shit – this woman is a visionary. She is changing lives. I must share this on all my social media accounts.”

Instead, you might think I’m off my freaking rocker. But that’s cool with me. You wouldn’t be the first person to say that.

Let’s start with this.

Does anyone else find the unpredictability of their four-year old very testing? Like, c’mon kid, we do almost the exact same thing every morning. The Huffington Post Parents Facebook page told me this routine would help us be a healthier, happier family!CONTINUE READING

I can’t tell you how many times people have asked me why I carry such a large purse. It’s usually a man. And he usually follows it up by asking what on earth I keep in that large bag. Bricks??? That’s always followed by a chuckle and me giving him some major side eye. Or an eye roll if it’s been a long day.

Well sir, how long is this elevator ride going to last? This purse has 47 chambers and we might make it through six of them in a couple minutes.

As a mom, I need to be prepared for any and everything at all times.… CONTINUE READING