In my personal opinion, my life is really just beginning. It was five years ago yesterday that my husband proposed to me in our backyard.
We now have two beautiful and crazy little boys. We have a home, a dog, good jobs, good health, cars, and all those other blessings we tend to forget about when things start going a way we don’t expect.
To commemorate my 34th birthday, I wanted to write about 34 things I have learned in my 34 years here on Earth.
Disclaimer: If you do not agree with these points, I honestly don’t care.
There is not one person in the world that has all the answers. No one knows it all.
Is that a ballsy thing to say?
Some would say so. Like Lisa, the internet troll, that likes to leave absolutely horrendous comments on any post I have up on a popular parenting Facebook page.
Being a parenting blogger with no true expert opinion, I get A LOT of negative comments. I try not to read them but I just can’t help myself! And I knew that when I started blogging this would happen. I’m a storyteller people, not a professional. I’m in marketing.
On Friday, July 20th, my family embarked on our annual Hilton Head vacation. We left mid-day. I spent the morning running around frantically packing for myself and my two little boys, who are one and four. Then I made a stop at the nail salon because my toes needed some real TLC.
I got home around noon and the loading of the car began. I fed the baby while Logan, my husband, squeezed as much as he could into the back of my mom crossover SUV with two car seats in the back.
When it was almost time to go, Logan snapped Henry into his car seat, I loaded up Baby Simon, and we were on our way.
I am leaving for vacation in approximately 24 hours and I have not packed a damn thing. I went into this with the best of intentions. But when you have kids, packing all of a sudden becomes 7 million times more difficult.
I have realized that there are three stages of packing when you have children.
The First Stage: The List
I sat down and made a list of things that needed to be packed – one for me, one for Henry, my four year old, and one for Simon, who is one.
My list was obviously the longest because I am an avid over-packer.
Over the last few weeks, the topics I have been writing about have been very heavy, such as Cy Baby’s developmental issues and my own issues with depression.
So for my own sake and my selfish reasons, I am changing it up today. Yes, I like to be real and talk about real life issues. But I also try to be a glass half-full type of person. I try to look on the bright side. I let myself have my sad time on the couch crying, but pick myself back up, put on some pants that don’t have an elastic waistband, and pull my shit together after searching for a ponytail holder for 45 minutes.
I always write about what is going on my life, so today I am going to put some stuff out into the world that has been affecting my family.
I have always kept it real on here and I feel like if I don’t put this out there, I’m not being authentic. But in all reality, I I need to hear from another parent that has been in the same situation. And luckily I have platform where I can do that.
I talk constantly about my sweet Cy Baby. He will be one year old on July 20th. He is the happiest, sweetest, most adorable baby I have ever met.
I wrote a little on my Facebook page last week about my issues with depression before I had kids. I heard about Kate Spade, the woman I literally thought had it all, committing suicide and I really flashed back to some years of my life that were less than desirable.
I feel that over the last eight or so years, I’ve learned a lot about myself as a human. I went from being in a deep depression and funk that led me down a bad path to finally seeing the light and learning who I really was.
I was the face of depression that people didn’t expect.
The name of my blog is Hashtag MomFail. I know what it’s like to think you are the worst parent in the entire world. To honestly doubt whether you are doing this whole parenting thing right.
I had one of those moments this morning – and it resulted in me dropping my four-year-old off at the babysitter’s house with no shoes because I literally carried him to the car kicking and screaming. I apologize to any neighbors that heard this incident occurring, but he refused to wear clothes and I made him get dressed. I know, worst mom ever.
Luckily, Henry and I both had about eight hours to get over this morning’s disaster and we like each other again.
I’ve been in a bit of a rut lately. I honestly feel like I’ve lost my mom mojo.
You know, the little bit of life left in you that makes you a great mom some days and gives you the energy to plan a Batman-themed party for your kid’s upcoming birthday. The one that makes you want to actually clean out the diaper bag and scrub tiny little hand prints off the walls.
I feel like I’ve been in this rut for a few months. Like lately I’ve always been the mean mom that yells at her kids too much and constantly has resting bitch face.