I haven’t been very dedicated to my blog lately. And I can feel it in my attitude about life. I can feel it in the stress I’m carrying in my shoulders.
This blog is an outlet for me, and when I let it slide, I start to let myself slide a little too.
So once again, I am selfishly writing a blog post to help make myself feel better. And to help me finish climbing out of that hole.
About four months ago, I hit some roadblocks. Cy Baby was referred to a pediatric neurologist. And a few other life detours popped up that I was not expecting.
Let me just say, if there is something I don’t like, it’s the unknown. The unexpected is terrifying to me.
So when I found out that I would have to wait, be patient, experience some stress and give up control of my life, I FREAKED OUT.
So I dug a hole. A metaphorical hole obviously because I don’t do manual labor. It was a hole where I could hide and eat fast food and sleep and be grumpy and worry about my life and all my speed bumps without having to talk to anyone else.
I don’t think I realized I was in a hole until my face broke out, I started having constant headaches from grinding my teeth and I gained about 15 pounds in Big Macs and McDonald’s Cokes. My brain felt mushy.
Then I was like, oh shit. I’m in a deep dark hole of uncertainty and I don’t know what to do.
So I stayed there a while longer. I squeezed into my clothes that were getting a little too tight and went on with my life in a very mediocre way. There was a continuous battle in my head. I was always worrying. I was playing out worst case scenarios. I was crying in the shower. Because I realized that I had zero control over what was happening in my life at that point. I would feel nauseous and just want to vomit at times.
It wasn’t until we found out that Cy Baby was going to be just fine that I started to crawl out of my hole. I saw a tiny little pinpoint of light. and I realized I was tired of being tired. And mad. And worried. And angry. And full of empty McCalories.
So I changed my outlook. Because when you can’t change what is happening in your life, change how you react to what is happening.
I know, I need a kitten poster that says, “Hang In There.”
I decided to stop whining about my speed bumps and detours and took the little control of my life that I could. I cut back on my fast food and picked my Shaun T workouts back up.
But mainly, I shut off the bullshit I was feeding myself. My body and my brain. I stopped feeling sorry for myself. I stopped worrying about things that most likely wouldn’t happen. And I stopped being so damn grumpy about everything. I started trying again. Trying to be happy. I stopped crying in the shower and started singing in the shower. And it worked. It’s still working. I honestly don’t think I’m 100% there yet but I’m working on it.
You can’t be a good person and a good mom and wife and employee and blogger and friend and sister and daughter when you are hiding in a hole with a #1 from McDonald’s and head full of negative thoughts.
So if you have found yourself in a hole lately, crawl on out. Sure you can dig yourself a shallow hole and stay in it for a weekend, max. After that you have to get out of bed, put on some real clothes, turn off Netflix, and get your shit together. The sun is so much nicer than the dark, I promise.
Until Next Time,