Today is the last day of January. HALLELUJAH!

I personally could not be more excited because this has seemed like an abnormally long month.

But you know what’s next – February. Ugh.

I honestly have an intense disdain for the month of February. I do not like to use the word hate because it is a very strong word and I have two small children, so I will just say that I strongly dislike February.

Disclaimer: My children are not allowed to use the word hate but if they drop a “shit” here or there do not be shocked. I call this blog Hashtag MomFail for a certain reason.

Let’s talk about the reasons I strongly dislike February.

  1. Every time I say the word February I sound it out in my head like Feb-Brew-Ary. Weird, I know, but it annoys me.
  2. It is still really freaking cold. The kind of cold where you wear a coat, hat and gloves and become that person that constantly has a space heater running in their office.
  3. It’s not pretty. All the beauty of the snow of December and January is gone. The snow is now piled up in the corner of parking lots where it turns all gross and brown – like lifelike poop emojis without the eyes. Even days where the sun is out look gray and dreary.
  4. I need to send my kids outside. Well, I need to send my three year old outside in the worst way. He loves to play in the backyard but he hates cold weather. If I let him outside in the cold, he will literally just stand there and yell, “I’M COLD, MAMA!” and refuse to move. It’s a pain in a**, especially because I normally have to go pick him up and carry him into the house. While holding a six month old in the other arm. He gets it from his Mama.
  5. I need to send the dog outside. Our 75 pound lab also hates cold weather. During the winter he lays around and licks himself which is the most disgusting noise in the world. February is my licking noise breaking point.
  6. There are no good holidays to look forward to. Sorry Valentine’s Day, but when you are married with two small kids and you both work full time, the holiday doesn’t get the excitement it used to. Most likely I will send Logan a text with a kissy face emoji while he teaches and we will try to put the kids to bed a little early so I can fall asleep on the couch while we attempt to watch one of our shows together.
  7. Mama needs a tan and I don’t do tanning beds. I used to spray tan every once in a while but I realized pale looks better than orange. And they make you smell funny and stain the sheets. SO BRING ON THE POOL DAYS FEBRUARY! WHAT HAPPENED TO GLOBAL WARMING, AL GORE?
  8. My winter work wardrobe is getting really boring. I dress up for work and I have a couple dresses with boots and sweaters with black pants on rotation. I’m ready to switch it up. While I have enjoyed covering my postpartum body under layers of sweaters and scarves, i’m ready to move on. Bring on the maxi dresses! #MomClothes
  9. Baseball season starts in February but there are no games yet. My husband is the head coach of a local baseball team. Tryouts are the day after Valentine’s Day which means I will see him for approximately six hours a week until June. The kids and I love going to games, but those don’t start until March, so February is just practice after practice.
  10. The Super Bowl. I don’t watch football. I could not care less about the Super Bowl. I do it for the food and the freaking Puppy Bowl. Where are the Puppy Bowl parties?

February is like the yellow Starburst of months. No one wants it. NO ONE LIKES YOU FEBRUARY! GET OUT OF HERE!

But for the 33rd year in a row, I will make it through February and into March. Then I will begin to see the promise of warmth and sunshine and freedom from my three-year-old watching “Daddy Finger” on his tablet. And I know that all will be right in the world again.

Until Next Time,