PARENTING

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I remember the first night I let my newborn baby stay with his grandparents.

Disclaimer: Of course I have to start this with a disclaimer because people can be very judgmental. I love my children more than life itself. I would take a bullet for them. But they also annoy me a bit from time to time and I treasure my alone time. So there.

Anywho, when my now five-year old, Henry, was about two weeks fresh out of the uterus, I was given a wonderful gift from a friend. They were VIP tickets to go see Old Crow Medicine Show at ROMP – a bluegrass festival that I love – in the town where I live.

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I used to be a total asshole. A snarky little beeotch.

This was before I had kids obviously. I’m still an asshole, just not as often and mostly when I’m sleep deprived.

So, this post is my apology to all the women in my life that had kids before me, because I was an asshole to them. I had zero idea of the impact children have on your life and how stressful and time consuming parenting can be.

The saying, “I was the perfect mom until I had kids,” is so true. I can’t even begin to count the number of times, “My kid will never do that,” slipped out of my mouth.

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Kids are exhausting. I don’t care if you have one kid or you have nineteen kids, they will wear your ass out to the point where you wonder if you can make it through the day.

Since I now have two mobile children, my life is more hectic than ever. I rarely get a “break”, and when I do get one, it is for maybe a day, tops. That is not enough time to fully unwind and allow my shoulders to return back to their normal position, not scrunched up under my ears.

So I have learned to take relaxation and what I like to call “life breaks” as much as I can.

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The other day, I posted a picture on my Facebook page of my one-year old, crying on the floor with a cracker in his hand at 6:30 am. He was generally pissed at life and didn’t want to take off his Mickey Mouse pajama shirt that was a 12 month – he wears a 2T now.

So I did what any thoughtful parent would do. I let him lay on the floor and cry it out. There was no calming him. This was a Class A tantrum – the worst of the worst.

I’ve gotten to the point where I can pretty much tune the chaos of our house out now.… CONTINUE READING

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As a parent of two tiny minions, I sometimes find my mind wandering in odd directions.

Sometimes, when I should be concentrating on a task, such as filing our taxes or folding laundry, I will start thinking random thoughts. The majority of them are kid related, but a lot of them are not.

I decided to jot down all my random thoughts from a day and share them with you.

Why?

Because I need to know if this is normal.

I need justification that I’m not the only mom who legitimately ponders where their kid should go to preschool and if I should go ahead and place him on a waiting list.CONTINUE READING

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Never say never. For real.

And if you do say never, wait for it to bite you in the ass.

Why? Because karma is a bitch.

I should have known better.

I used to view co-sleeping as the worst. I am a woman that likes my sleep. I need a solid eight hours to function in the morning and sleeping with a tiny human in the bed is not relaxing.

I would say that up until about six months ago, I was anti-co-sleeping. Okay, I was extremely anti-co-sleeping.

It was uncomfortable, crowded and overall miserable to me. Kid feet in my face, flipping and flopping, and attempting to tug an inch of bedspread from my oldest minion wasn’t my idea of good sleep.

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Disclaimer: I really don’t like to start my posts with a disclaimer but I want to get this one out of the way. I love my children so much. They are the loves of my life, along with my husband and Netflix. But they do have the innate ability to annoy me at times. Yes, I am lucky and blessed to be a mom. But that doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to want to do something for me. In this case, that is working outside of the home.

Now that we have that out of the way, I will say it loud and proud.

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Right after I had my now 18-month old son, Simon, I wrote a post about all the things I had learned from being a mom to two children. I wrote it TWO WEEKS after I had Simon. He couldn’t even smile yet. Of course it was easy. All I had to do was feed him and change his diapers.

Below is the link to the said post. It was picked up by Motherly and they still use it on a regular basis.

https://www.mother.ly/life/two-weeks-with-two-kids-8-things-ive-learned-about-having-a-second-child

Now that I have two mobile children, I thought I should write a little follow up. So the world can know how I am currently handling my mom life.

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Every year, I write a post about baseball season. Not because I love baseball, or because I am the truest of all fans, but because I am the wife of a baseball coach.

On February 15th each year, baseball season officially begins. Tryouts started yesterday. And I won’t see my husband for more than approximately 47 minutes each day until late May/early June.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love that my husband coaches. He loves it and I support him doing what he loves. Just like he supports me writing this blog and continuously napping on the weekends.

But I do admit that each year that he coaches, it gets a little bit harder for me.

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I will start this post with yet another disclaimer. I know that in approximately two years, I will have to delete this or my four year old will hate me for the rest of his life. Luckily, he has no idea how to read yet.

Until then, enjoy this post because he says some pretty funny shit. No pun intended.

The phrase toilet humor made no true sense to me until I had a four-year old boy. Then he learned about poop and I realized I would hear about it every day for the rest of my life.

Maybe we talked about poop too much when he was younger.

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