PARENTING

Bedtime sucks. It is the worst. I seriously dread it every single night.

Why is that you ask?

Because putting a three year old to bed is no easy task. It’s like trying to catch a bird that somehow got into your house and is completely tearing it apart while you chase it around with a broom.

So because I have become such a mediocre parenting guru, I have put together a “how-to” guide on putting your preschool aged child to bed. You can thank me later.

  1. Tell your kid they have to take a bath thirty minutes before bed.
  2. Listen to kid scream NOOOOOOO for about five minutes.
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About three months ago, I gave up. I gave up on the morning duels with my 3-year-old over what he was going to wear. I would pick out his clothes for the day, he would throw a tantrum and the morning would turn into one large hot mess before we even tried to get in the car.

One day, I got to my office and put my head in my hands. The mornings were absolutely exhausting because of the battle with Henry over his clothes.

Then I realized I should just let him pick out his own clothes. No, he would not wear the cute polo shirts and skinny jeans that I wanted him to wear, but he would be happy and my mornings would be a million times easier.… CONTINUE READING

The last few weeks have been a real shit storm.

I thought that the dust had finally settled and I had caught up with life, but then my three year old decided to give up his nap. This is a difficult time for me, because I love napping as well. I also love spending time alone.

So currently my three year old is screaming at me that he is “so angry and so sad” because I won’t let him watch tv.

So I did something that I would completely have frowned upon before I had kids. Or even have audibly gasped about.… CONTINUE READING

Why is being a mom such a tough job?

Because kids are gross. They can be tiny little monsters that push your buttons on purpose while simultaneously destroying an entire room in three minutes.

Disclaimer: I love my children. They are my life. I would take a bullet for them.

But let’s be honest. Sometimes kids are just freaking annoying.

So I have compiled a list of the top ten ways to make a mom extremely annoyed.

  1. Say that you want something, then refuse it once it has been handed to you. Like asking for four dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets with ketchup and mustard on an orange plate, then throwing a temper tantrum when you get the exact meal you asked for.
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I have been going back and forth on whether I wanted to write this or not. Should I alienate people that read my blog that won’t agree with this post?

But I started this blog to talk about things others don’t like to talk about, so here I am writing about school shootings and gun control.

17 CHILDREN were just murdered in Florida. Teenagers had to watch their classmates die in front of them.

Just a few weeks ago, there was a school shooting two hours from my hometown. Two innocent children died. TWO HOURS AWAY.

Yes, I pray for their families.… CONTINUE READING

Parenting is not an easy job. You all hear that from me a lot. And as mom and dads, we constantly wonder if we are “doing it right”. No matter how much we do, or how well we do something, we always doubt ourselves. Can we ever be totally content with the job we are doing as parents?

Probably not. I think it’s just human nature to doubt yourself when you are in a situation with a tiny human that has zero regard for societal norms.

Someone once told me that if I was worried that I was a good enough mom, that meant I was doing a good job.… CONTINUE READING

Well, it’s official. Henry, my three and a half year old, is finally potty trained!

Cue Jock Jams! Turn on the strobe lights! Where are those cats that DJ?

There they are. Thanks guys!

For real, this is a huge #MomWin for me and Henry. For a while, my husband and I thought that he might actually be graduating high school in a Pull Up.

So, as promised above, here is how to potty train your child in 36 extremely difficult and aggravating steps.

  1. Think that potty training will be an absolute walk in the park and set extremely unrealistic expectations.
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Today is the last day of January. HALLELUJAH!

I personally could not be more excited because this has seemed like an abnormally long month.

But you know what’s next – February. Ugh.

I honestly have an intense disdain for the month of February. I do not like to use the word hate because it is a very strong word and I have two small children, so I will just say that I strongly dislike February.

Disclaimer: My children are not allowed to use the word hate but if they drop a “shit” here or there do not be shocked. I call this blog Hashtag MomFail for a certain reason.… CONTINUE READING

I wrote the title for this post when I was about nine months pregnant with my second baby boy – who is now six months old. I was so tired that all I got to was the title. I think I then fell into a deep sleep with my computer next to me.

I was looking through my drafts and realized how many moms would relate to this one.

How many times do we sigh after our three year old has had an epic tantrum because you gave him the blue cup instead of the red cup and say to ourselves, “OMG, I really need a break before I go crazy.”

But as parents, we don’t really get breaks.… CONTINUE READING

My husband and I are very lucky. We have a lot of family that live just a hop, skip and jump away. You know what that means.

FREE BABYSITTING!

I can only name a handful of times that we have ever had to hire a babysitter for a night out. Between my mom and Logan’s parents, we are usually set.

I have nothing against finding a sitter, I would just prefer to have a family member watch my three-year-old and four-month-old for free and possibly overnight so I can sleep in the next morning.

Plus, I have heard that grandparents that babysit their grand kids live longer.… CONTINUE READING