Kids are exhausting. I don’t care if you have one kid or you have nineteen kids, they will wear your ass out to the point where you wonder if you can make it through the day.

Since I now have two mobile children, my life is more hectic than ever. I rarely get a “break”, and when I do get one, it is for maybe a day, tops. That is not enough time to fully unwind and allow my shoulders to return back to their normal position, not scrunched up under my ears.

So I have learned to take relaxation and what I like to call “life breaks” as much as I can.

You might think I’m off my rocker, and you wouldn’t be the first person to think that. And if you do think I’m crazy, just wait. Your day will come.

Here are a few examples of my so-called “life breaks”:

• I had to leave work for an hour the other day so I could go to the gynecologist. They were running behind so I got to sit in the waiting room all alone for twenty minutes. It. Was. Heavenly. I don’t mind having someone peer into my nether regions if I get twenty minutes alone beforehand. Plus, when they called me back, they called me by my real name, the nurse didn’t scream “MOMMY!!”
• When my four year poops, it takes an uncanny amount of time. I have learned to treasure those moments and hope that he poops while the one year old is napping or in bed for the night. Then I can take a life break until he screams for me to help him wipe his bottom. #blessed
• In the car, my kids are still strapped into car seats. Sometimes, when I have them with me, I’ll put in a mobile order at Starbucks. Then, I’ll leave the car running with the AC and or heat on depending on the season and make a MAD DASH into Starbucks before someone calls Child Protective Services on me. Now that is a life break.
• You know how sometimes you are so exhausted that you accidentally fall asleep while you are attempting to complete a mundane task and the kids are jumping on your back? Or is that just me? I still call it a life break.
• I get my nails done every three weeks. That is a HUGE life break. DON’T TRY AND TALK TO ME WHILE I’M IN MY MASSAGE CHAIR, CAROL! Yes, my kids are tiny little maniacs and I do not care about your grandkids. And no, I am not trying for a girl.
• I now see the grocery as a life break, but unfortunately, so does my husband. I used to think about how sweet it was that he did all the grocery shopping, until one day I said I would go because I needed out of the house. He said no because it’s his “easiest” chore. Ugh.
• When I first get to my office in the morning after the hustle and bustle of getting the kids up and dressed and off to wherever the hell they are going, I sit in my office chair for approximately 5 minutes before turning on my computer. I close my eyes and sip my coffee. Sometimes I say a prayer thanking Baby Jesus for helping me through another morning with my minions. And pray that he helps me through the day of work and then night with my minions.
• And lastly, my favorite life break is the shower. Here’s a secret. DOORS HAVE LOCKS, PEOPLE! I’ll set the four year old up with his screen and the one year old in some confined space, lock the door, and turn on the shower and music so I can’t hear them screaming for me to get them a juice or get the Play Doh out of their hair.

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I have to always add my disclaimer. I love my children more than life itself and would never do anything that would put them in harms way. I would take a bullet for them. I already gave them what I had of my abdomen muscles. That’s a big deal.

So, I hope you all take my tips and tricks on how to master the life break. Sometimes, I even blink for a couple seconds too long and call it a nap.

Best wishes Moms! You deserve a life break!

Until Next Time,

Jamie