I knew when I started blogging that not everyone would agree with what I wrote. And I was 100% okay with that because I write about a lot of things that some people might consider controversial.
But yesterday, someone made a comment saying that I had not “grown into a mother” in response to an article I wrote about going back to work after maternity leave. She didn’t disagree with the fact I went back to work, but she did disagree with the fact that I felt “more like myself” after going back to work. And that I treated my children as an extension of my job.
That one hit me right in feels. I have had my fair share of negative comments but that one actually kind of took my breath away. Like a punch in the gut.
I almost believed her for a second.
Then I thought about how I HAVE grown into a mother. The minute I had my first baby boy, my entire world changed. My heart got bigger. I had a deep connection to a tiny human that i’d never had before. And the same with my second son. I am a more caring person. I love more. I listen more. I talk less. I laugh more. I enjoy the little moments – as much as I can. I’m not as selfish. I don’t sleep nearly as much either. And I want to be a better person all because of these little boys.
If that isn’t growing into a mother, I don’t know what is.
And no, i’m not perfect. I don’t claim to be. Some days I want to pull my hair out because the kids are driving me CRAZY! But that’s life.
I was over at my Mom’s house earlier and we were talking like we always do about this and that. I told her about the comment on my article and she GOT PISSED that someone said I had not “grown into a mother” – HOW DARE SOMEONE SAY THAT ABOUT HER BABY! I think I even saw little red flames flash in her eyeballs.
And I finally get it Mom. Someone said something that upset YOUR BABY and you weren’t having it.
Your heart got bigger when you had me. I helped you grow into a mother. I made you want to be a better person. I made you laugh more and love more and be more caring.
I also made you want to pull your hair out. I probably still want to make you pull your hair out some days.
But wow, I don’t know how it never occurred to me that my own Mom cared about me as deeply as I care about my little boys.
So I want to say I’m sorry.
I’m sorry for all the times I was a total brat.
I’m sorry that I haven’t always thanked you for everything you have given me.
I’m sorry that I was a difficult to live with, moody teenager.
But I also want to say thank you.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Thank you for working two jobs after you and Dad got divorced to support our family.
Thank you for listening to me bitch and moan all the time.
Thank you for never missing a track meet.
Thank you for doing all the things that I don’t remember because they seemed routine then.
Thank you for teaching me work ethic even though I was super pissed you made me get a job the day I turned sixteen.
Thank you for always doing my eighteen loads of laundry when I came home from college.
Thank you for driving an hour in the middle of the night to be with me after you found out I went through a bad breakup.
But most of all, thank you for loving me.
Until Next Time,