Last night, I tried co-sleeping for 2 hours, 47 minutes and 36 seconds. It was awful. Absolutely terrible.

I know right now, people are thinking one of two things.

1. Co-sleeping is beautiful and forms a bond with your child.

2. Co-sleeping is dangerous.

There is nothing wrong with either of these stances on co-sleeping. We are all allowed to have our opinions.

Before last night, my thoughts on co-sleeping were that I didn’t really give a flying f*** what anyone else did or where anyone else slept, I just needed to be guaranteed my seven hours of beauty sleep.

Sleeping is extremely important to me. I love it. I excel at it. I also excel at napping – an integral member of the sleep family. I am a morning person simply because I make sure I always get enough sleep.

Yes, I know, I am very lucky. I was blessed with two little boys that started sleeping through the night before I went back to work for maternity leave.

Needless to say, co-sleeping last night was not my idea. There was a bad storm and my three-year-old, Henry, got scared. Normally he sleeps through storms so I was surprised when he burst into the bedroom in tears.

I immediately scooped my little man in his footed Batman pajamas up and put him in the bed with me. My husband was out of town on a work trip so there was plenty of extra room.

The very first thing Henry did was remind me that he was scared of the dark and suggested we turn on the tv. That was when I knew he was using the storm to his favor and I was most likely being taken advantage of.

I agreed to one episode of Peppa Pig and then told him we could sleep with the closet light on and the door open. He agreed.

Twenty-two minutes later, Peppa had come and gone. I turned off the tv, turned on the closet light and opened the door.  This is where it all went to hell.

Over the next 2 hours and 20ish minutes, I went through what felt like some sort of parenting hazing ritual.

Henry and I started out sleeping side by side. I was on my side of the bed and he was on my husband’s side of the bed with three blankies, Teddy, Elmo, Chase, Big Iron Man, Tiny Captain America and a sword that lit up every time he moved.

He immediately decided that he needed to rotate 90 degrees, kicking me straight in the face in the process. His blankies were flying up in the air. Big Iron Man fell on the floor. He was flailing his body around like he was drowning. All to rotate 90 degrees in the bed.

That is when I knew I was in for a long night.

I held my breath, waiting for the next violent kick.

Instead, he informed me that I had feet.

“Yes honey, I do have feet. And I would never kick you with them.”

I closed my eyes, for some reason thinking that he might drift off to sleep. But no. Chase was missing his Police Officer hat. Why did he have to notice that? The hat had been missing for at least three months.

Then he realized Big Iron Man fell on the floor while he was making his 90 degree move. So instead of getting out of bed to pick up Big Iron Man, he scooted the top half of his body off the bed and attempted to grab it.

This mom was not fast enough to grab his foot so I watched with a flinch as my three-year-old fell onto the floor headfirst with a loud thud. #MomFail

He acted like nothing happened, retrieved Big Iron Man, and climbed back into bed.

Then he needed me tuck him back in with all three of his blankies. So I tucked him in exactly how I always do in his bed. Black blankie covering his top half, circle blankie on the bottom half and other blankie covering his entire body.

I placed all his “friends” within arm’s reach and headed back to my side of the bed.

I settled in and closed my eyes.

“Mama? I have to go potty.”

“Okay, go potty.”

“Can you come with me?”

Ugh. Back out of bed.

This cycle of no sleep continued for what felt like an eternity when he sat up, stated that he wanted to go sleep in his bed and just walked out of the room like it was no big deal. He left behind his three blankies, Teddy, Elmo, Chase, Big Iron Man, Tiny Captain America and sword.

So for all of you moms that co-sleep every night, BRAVO! I 100% could not do that every night and still function during the day.

The next time he gets scared during a storm, I’m climbing into his bed and bringing all my blankies.

Until Next Time,

Jamie