MOM FAIL

Everything in life has felt a little heavy lately. I was down and out with pneumonia last week and found myself watching the news a lot. There is a lot of bad stuff going on in the world. A school shooting that was a little too close to home. I considered writing about my thoughts on some of the bad stuff. But decided to stick with something lighter for today. Because I think we could all use a little pick me up.

So here goes.

I woke up one day last week and walked downstairs. I turned on the living room lamp and something looked a little off.… CONTINUE READING

If you visit my home unexpectedly, be prepared to be shocked and possibly disgusted.

I have a three and a half year-old little boy, a six month-old, and a 75-pound black lab.

Disclaimer: I also have a husband named Logan but he does not usually cause people to be shocked and disgusted so I’m leaving him out of this one.

When you ring the doorbell, you will most likely be greeted by me. I will be wearing a pair of leggings and an over sized sweatshirt that has spit up on it. My hair will be in a top knot and I will not have a stitch of makeup on.… CONTINUE READING

Gross, right? Who the hell wants poop for Christmas?

Me! This lady right here! All I seriously want for Christmas is poo. In the potty that is.

I have been pretty open on my blog about the fact that my three year old is still not fully potty trained. It is my largest #momfail and it brings a lot of anxiety to my life.

Disclaimer: Anyone mom shaming me right now can go F-off. Sorry I had to get that out.

When people have asked me what I want for Christmas, I have a list of things.

  • Cash
  • Gift cards for manicures and pedicures
  • New blinds for the house
  • Someone to finish painting the trim on my second floor
  • Long flowing mermaid hair with no cowlicks
  • Peace on earth
  • Not having to worry about my children being bullied on social media one day
  • Equality for everyone
  • Sleep
  • No more Paw Patrol
  • The ability to understand Roku and Sling TV and all that nonsense so I can finally cancel my DirecTV
  • A rug for the kitchen
  • An espresso machine
  • Tooth-whitening
  • Patience
  • A supermodel body molded by beer and tacos
  • The ability to drink and not get hungover
  • A week where I can lay on the couch and watch Netflix in my high-waisted leggings.
CONTINUE READING

When Christmas time rolls around, I really find it hard to write about Christmas. Because it is everywhere. And it has been for MONTHS.

So I like to change things up a bit. I can’t take anymore Christmas carols. No more letters to Santa. I’m struggling to find new places for the damn elf on the shelf I gave into. Can Christmas come and I enjoy it fully and I have a wonderful time with my family then it be over?

Please?

This time last year I wrote about my true love and passion for mom jeans. It was a trend that I had just discovered.… CONTINUE READING

For as long as I can remember,  I have had a very strong dislike of the Elf on the Shelf.

As a single twenty-something, I found it to be extremely creepy looking. That in itself turned me off. My sister had one for her kids and the whole side-eye and little smirk made me uneasy.

After I had my first child, Henry, I would see my mom friends post their adorable elf getting into trouble on Facebook, having tea parties with 25 other toys, or making a five course breakfast.

I will now be completely and totally honest. This intimidated the shit out of me.… CONTINUE READING

Happy Thanksgiving people! In this day and age, that means it’s time to talk about Christmas. I know, I don’t like it either. I am usually the mom that waits until the very last minute to buy all Christmas presents, but I am making an effort to do a better job this year. I have a three year old so he is actually really excited and that gets me excited!

My normal Christmas mantra is minimal. My kids do not need any more toys.

So in this guide I’ve highlighted some of the hands-down classic winners, a really expensive but cool learning toy and something I use because I guess I’m just selfish.… CONTINUE READING

Let’s get real today. I write a parenting blog. But I wouldn’t exactly call it a REAL parenting blog.

When I look at REAL parenting blogs, they include content that someone might find useful when raising their child, such as potty training how-to’s or the best way to diffuse a tantrum. Maybe how to do baby-led weaning.

But I can’t write about those topics! Why not? I am completely unqualified.

  • I am raising my children on a wish, a prayer, caffeine and wine.
  • I still can’t get my three and a half year old, Henry, to poop in the potty. And i’m not looking for anymore advice on that one people!
CONTINUE READING

Let’s be honest. Like super honest. We all have unrealistic expectations. We have these images in our mind of how life is going to be and then when it doesn’t happen that exact way, we get extremely disappointed.

Why can’t we just be honest with ourselves in the beginning? Admit that life isn’t perfect, our kids aren’t perfect, and we sure as hell aren’t perfect.

It’s like the Pinterest fail. You follow the directions exactly to make a nativity scene for Christmas out of toothpicks and rubber cement and end up with a big pile of nothing and a toddler with two fingers glued together.… CONTINUE READING

Happy First Birthday Hashtag MomFail! I wrote my first post, Why I #MomFail, exactly one year ago today.

What a crazy year this has been. I started this blog with the intention of sharing some funny stories, keeping it really real, and relating to other moms out there that felt the insane pressure to be the perfect parent.

But wow, it has turned into so much more than that. I’ve met so many cool people. I’ve helped a lot of moms through their struggles with parenting, made people laugh and pissed A LOT of people off.

When I said I was going to keep it real, I wasn’t lying.… CONTINUE READING

This last couple weeks have been a real doozy for me when it comes to parenting. As in, I have #momfailed more than normal. Right when I think I can’t get any more mediocre as a parent, something like this happens.

I have heard that three is worse than two. That is when your child turns into a “threenager” and really learns how to mouth off and perfect the art of tantrum throwing. But I also heard that two was the hardest year. And before that, having a newborn was the hardest. Then, the parents with pre-teens and teenagers were always there saying, “Just wait, it gets much worse.”

So, let’s just put it out there and say every year as a parent is the hardest.… CONTINUE READING