MOM FAIL

I am leaving for vacation in approximately 24 hours and I have not packed a damn thing. I went into this with the best of intentions. But when you have kids, packing all of a sudden becomes 7 million times more difficult.

I have realized that there are three stages of packing when you have children.

The First Stage: The List

I sat down and made a list of things that needed to be packed – one for me, one for Henry, my four year old, and one for Simon, who is one.

My list was obviously the longest because I am an avid over-packer.CONTINUE READING

Over the last few weeks, the topics I have been writing about have been very heavy, such as Cy Baby’s developmental issues and my own issues with depression.

So for my own sake and my selfish reasons, I am changing it up today. Yes, I like to be real and talk about real life issues. But I also try to be a glass half-full type of person. I try to look on the bright side. I let myself have my sad time on the couch crying, but pick myself back up, put on some pants that don’t have an elastic waistband, and pull my shit together after searching for a ponytail holder for 45 minutes.… CONTINUE READING

I’ve been in a bit of a rut lately. I honestly feel like I’ve lost my mom mojo.

You know, the little bit of life left in you that makes you a great mom some days and gives you the energy to plan a Batman-themed party for your kid’s upcoming birthday. The one that makes you want to actually clean out the diaper bag and scrub tiny little hand prints off the walls.

I feel like I’ve been in this rut for a few months. Like lately I’ve always been the mean mom that yells at her kids too much and constantly has resting bitch face.… CONTINUE READING

Play Doh Egg

I have had a lot of quality time with my kiddos lately. As in I feel like they never leave my side when we are at home. Mama can’t get a moment of peace and quiet.

It’s baseball season and with my husband being the head coach of a high school baseball team, we don’t see him much from February – late May.

So unless we are at one of Logan’s games, it’s just me and the boys, hanging out at home.

If you are not a regular reader of my blog, you will need to know that “my boys” consist of a 75 pound black lab named Newman, an overly energetic and absolutely hilarious three year old named Henry and Baby Simon, my nine month old that literally just smiles and giggles.… CONTINUE READING

I am writing another selfish blog post. A post because I’m at the tip of the mom iceberg. Because I just can’t.

So cliche of me to use that term – just can’t – but it feels like the only way to explain my life at this moment.

I thought about possibly not writing this post at all, because I would sound like all I did was complain. But hey, we all need some time to vent and this is much cheaper than therapy.

And I also thought, you know, there might actually be another mom out there reading this post that just yelled at her 3 year old to GO TO BED for the sixth time and will feel a little better knowing she isn’t the only one.… CONTINUE READING

Last night, I tried co-sleeping for 2 hours, 47 minutes and 36 seconds. It was awful. Absolutely terrible.

I know right now, people are thinking one of two things.

1. Co-sleeping is beautiful and forms a bond with your child.

2. Co-sleeping is dangerous.

There is nothing wrong with either of these stances on co-sleeping. We are all allowed to have our opinions.

Before last night, my thoughts on co-sleeping were that I didn’t really give a flying f*** what anyone else did or where anyone else slept, I just needed to be guaranteed my seven hours of beauty sleep.

Sleeping is extremely important to me.… CONTINUE READING

Everything in life has felt a little heavy lately. I was down and out with pneumonia last week and found myself watching the news a lot. There is a lot of bad stuff going on in the world. A school shooting that was a little too close to home. I considered writing about my thoughts on some of the bad stuff. But decided to stick with something lighter for today. Because I think we could all use a little pick me up.

So here goes.

I woke up one day last week and walked downstairs. I turned on the living room lamp and something looked a little off.… CONTINUE READING

If you visit my home unexpectedly, be prepared to be shocked and possibly disgusted.

I have a three and a half year-old little boy, a six month-old, and a 75-pound black lab.

Disclaimer: I also have a husband named Logan but he does not usually cause people to be shocked and disgusted so I’m leaving him out of this one.

When you ring the doorbell, you will most likely be greeted by me. I will be wearing a pair of leggings and an over sized sweatshirt that has spit up on it. My hair will be in a top knot and I will not have a stitch of makeup on.… CONTINUE READING

Gross, right? Who the hell wants poop for Christmas?

Me! This lady right here! All I seriously want for Christmas is poo. In the potty that is.

I have been pretty open on my blog about the fact that my three year old is still not fully potty trained. It is my largest #momfail and it brings a lot of anxiety to my life.

Disclaimer: Anyone mom shaming me right now can go F-off. Sorry I had to get that out.

When people have asked me what I want for Christmas, I have a list of things.

  • Cash
  • Gift cards for manicures and pedicures
  • New blinds for the house
  • Someone to finish painting the trim on my second floor
  • Long flowing mermaid hair with no cowlicks
  • Peace on earth
  • Not having to worry about my children being bullied on social media one day
  • Equality for everyone
  • Sleep
  • No more Paw Patrol
  • The ability to understand Roku and Sling TV and all that nonsense so I can finally cancel my DirecTV
  • A rug for the kitchen
  • An espresso machine
  • Tooth-whitening
  • Patience
  • A supermodel body molded by beer and tacos
  • The ability to drink and not get hungover
  • A week where I can lay on the couch and watch Netflix in my high-waisted leggings.
CONTINUE READING

When Christmas time rolls around, I really find it hard to write about Christmas. Because it is everywhere. And it has been for MONTHS.

So I like to change things up a bit. I can’t take anymore Christmas carols. No more letters to Santa. I’m struggling to find new places for the damn elf on the shelf I gave into. Can Christmas come and I enjoy it fully and I have a wonderful time with my family then it be over?

Please?

This time last year I wrote about my true love and passion for mom jeans. It was a trend that I had just discovered.… CONTINUE READING