I can’t tell you how many times people have asked me why I carry such a large purse. It’s usually a man. And he usually follows it up by asking what on earth I keep in that large bag. Bricks??? That’s always followed by a chuckle and me giving him some major side eye. Or an eye roll if it’s been a long day.
Well sir, how long is this elevator ride going to last? This purse has 47 chambers and we might make it through six of them in a couple minutes.
As a mom, I need to be prepared for any and everything at all times. Now that I have a four-year old and a one-year old, I’m past the diaper bag phase.
I no longer need 15 diapers, wipes, 4 changes of clothes, 3 burp cloths, 4 bibs, a bottle, formula and three bottles of water. Now I just need 2 diapers, wipes, one change of clothes, a 21-Day Fix Portion Control Container full of Cheerios, and some Ninja Turtles.
I can fit all that into my purse easily.
And that’s just for the kids.
Do you have a headache? Let me grab my bottle of ibuprofen.
Oh you broke a nail? Chamber 26 has a nail file and clippers.
You found a gray hair? I have tweezers in here somewhere.
You are curious to know how much I paid to get my tires rotated in May of 2016? I have that receipt crumpled up in the zipper pocket. I pulled it out the other day.
Oh, you’re going on a Starbucks run? You can use this gift card with approximately $2.83 left on it.
You spilled something on your blouse? No worries, I have a scarf in here to cover that up!
You see, if I carried a small purse, I would have to choose between carrying my Epipen or 19 Tsum Tsums. Do I bring my flats or a sippy cup for my toddler? Do I carry my gum or two tiny mismatched socks?
I can’t choose between my life and the happiness of my children.
Mom purse it is.
I honestly think my husband gets scared if I ask him to get something out of my purse. I know exactly where my keys are nestled between my TJ Maxx sunglasses and the yellow micro machine with a gum wrapper stick to it.
All he can see is bobby pins, ponytail holders and loose change. I see an oasis of hair products that I will most likely lose in the next five days or loan out to random other people and a Diet Mountain Dew tomorrow at 2 pm from the vending machine at work.
My mom purse also triples as a laptop bag. Or a weapon.
YOU CAN’T LOSE WITH A GIANT PURSE LADIES!
So the next time a random dude asks you why you have such a big purse, tell him you used it to knockout the last jackass that asked you that question. Or just say tampons and he will get quiet really fast.
So remember ladies, size does matter!
Until Next Time,
Jamie
