Since I've Been Gone: Big News For The Johnson Family

I’m listening to Kelly Clarkson on Apple Radio as I type so I thought the title of this post seemed appropriate. Yes, I am 32 years old and still listen to Pop music. My husband recently told someone my idea of the oldies were the Backstreet Boys and Mariah Carey. He was 100% correct.

So here is the deal. I haven’t been posting as much lately. But for a very good reason. I am growing a human! Yep, i’m having a baby! Henry is going to be a big brother and Logan and I could not be more excited.

The only person not pumped about this baby is the dog. Poor Newman. He has really moved down the totem pole since we started having kids.

Disclaimer: Newman turned four on New Years Day and received his annual steak dinner. So don’t worry, our eighty pound black lab is in no way mistreated.

Anyway, as Bruno Mars would say, I feel #blessed. I am so glad that God has chosen me to be the slightly dysfunctional mother of another little kiddo. I am almost through the first trimester now and Baby J should be making his or her appearance this July.

Now that I have gushed over the magnificence of my pregnancy, I can get real. Because that is why I started this blog. I am willing to say the things that others may not.

Disclaimer: I am in no way ungrateful for this child. I am so excited and prayed so hard for this baby. But pregnancy is tough. And I’m going to talk about some of the hardest parts.

So here goes:

I have spent the last ten weeks vomiting. Morning sickness is seriously the worst! Or in my case, all day sickness. I have really mastered the art of slipping quietly out of a meeting to go blow chunks in the bathroom. Then I carefully fix my hair, wipe the running mascara from under my glassy eyes and make sure there isn’t any vomit on my dress.

Because I literally could not stop puking, my doctor gave me a prescription for Phenergan. So excited to feel like a normal human again, I took one of those bad boys on a Saturday afternoon at approximately 1:30 pm, right after Henry woke up from a nap. We went downstairs and he went to play in his playroom. I got super tired and thought, “I’ll just close my eyes for a minute.” I woke up at 9 pm to an empty house. My mom had taken Henry for the night and Logan had to attend a Christmas party stag. Oops. No more Phenergan for me.

Baby brain is a bitch. Luckily the fog is starting to lift since my first trimester is almost over. I would like to apologize to my boss for being a hot mess the last two months.

My house is a freaking disaster and no one has had clean laundry for two months. I would like to thank my husband for rescuing Christmas. He literally bought almost all of our Christmas presents and wrapped every single one, including his own. I love you, Logan!

I am not glowing. My face is breaking out, I’m splotchy as can be and my waistline is quickly expanding. I am pretty sure I am also sweating constantly and I have just become accustomed to it. I’ve had a couple people tell me it must be a girl because they steal your beauty. Not a compliment but I’m hoping they meant well. Haha.

I gained sixty pounds over the duration of my last pregnancy. I SWORE that during this one, I would take better care of myself. I’ve still been getting up at 5 am to work out, but holy shit, if I want a double cheeseburger from Wendy’s with a six piece nugget and ranch, GET OUT OF MY WAY! I forgot how intense the cravings are. My husband doesn’t understand it. I need someone to back me up on this one please.

Another one of my irrational cravings is orange juice. I buy a gallon every week and drink it right out of bottle. One day, we were out and I HAD TO HAVE ORANGE JUICE! I went to the closest place I could find that sold orange juice and ran inside. I purchased my orange juice and had to stop myself from opening it there in the store and taking a gulp. I went back to my car and opened it and started chugging it out of the gallon jug. I came up for air and looked to my left. A woman was sitting in her car staring at me like I was a freaking lunatic. Haha. I wanted to yell, “I’m pregnant, leave me alone!” but decided that wouldn’t help prove I was not crazy.

Thankfully, I went and got my first ultrasound on Tuesday. I sat there as the ultrasound tech stuck a wand up my lady parts and forgot how extremely awkward it was and tried not to make eye contact with her. Luckily I had shaved my legs. Note to self – she did not seem impressed by that. I won’t bother with it next time. Sorry Logan.

Then I saw my sweet baby moving and turning. I heard the heartbeat. I cried but tried to maintain my cool as tears rolled down my cheeks. There is something about seeing your baby and finally knowing that they are safe and healthy that makes you crazy emotional. As you can see below, Baby J resembles a gummy bear at the moment. But a human gummy bear.