Let’s get real today. I write a parenting blog. But I wouldn’t exactly call it a REAL parenting blog.

When I look at REAL parenting blogs, they include content that someone might find useful when raising their child, such as potty training how-to’s or the best way to diffuse a tantrum. Maybe how to do baby-led weaning.

But I can’t write about those topics! Why not? I am completely unqualified.

  • I am raising my children on a wish, a prayer, caffeine and wine.
  • I still can’t get my three and a half year old, Henry, to poop in the potty. And i’m not looking for anymore advice on that one people!
  • I just ignore my Henry’s tantrums. Is that not what you are supposed to do?
  • I don’t know what baby-led weaning even is.
  • I was supposed to have a plan for daylight savings time. My plan was to hope my kids just slept an extra hour each night.
  • I got pooped on by my three month-old, Simon, before the sun even came up this morning.
  • Henry ate about six Cheerios for breakfast this morning. And a sip of milk.
  • I let Henry jump on his bed because that means he is in his bedroom and not bothering me.
  • I have never read a parenting book – not even when I was pregnant.
  • Henry didn’t brush his teeth this morning.
  • I just got really lucky that Simon started sleeping through the night before my maternity leave was over.
  • I’m not a Pinterest mom. Just a mom with a Pinterest board and hopes that one day I can buy those crafts on Etsy.
  • I lose it sometimes. I have yelled at my kids. I have threatened that they would not see the light of day again until they cleaned the playroom. But guess who cleaned it? Me.
  • Bribery. It works. Except when it comes to cleaning the playroom and pooping in the potty I guess.
  • I don’t iron.
  • I still wash all laundry on cold and mix whites and colors. My mom is reading this and having a small panic attack.
  • My husband does ALL the cooking. My idea of cooking is sandwiches. Yes, I’m being serious.

There you go. Completely unqualified. Completely unqualified to give parenting advice. Completely unqualified to parent small children.

I guess we are all unqualified. We are just learning as we go. And hoping that everything turns out okay in the end. We show up for our babies every day and try our damnedest.

So if you are looking for the best educational toys to buy your kids this Christmas, I am not your girl.

If you are looking for advice on how to make sure your child becomes bilingual by age four, I am not your girl.

If you want tips on how to decorate your child’s room so they soak in knowledge while they sleep, I am not your girl.

If you wonder how to best utilize a chore chart, I am not your girl.

If you need tips on disciplining your child in general, I am not your girl.

But if you do want a good laugh and to feel better about your sub-par parenting techniques, give me a call.

Want to go have a drink and complain about stuff, I’ll definitely make the time.

If you want to hear about my mom fails, keep on reading.

So no, I am not a qualified parenting blogger.

My only tip is this. Love your kids. Teach them to be kind. Give them hugs and kisses until they are at least 57. Play with them and don’t be afraid to get dirty. And don’t take everything so seriously. Life is short and babies grow up fast.

Until Next Time,